Jacob: A Life

Let's recall a few famous scenes of Jacob's life:

Scene One--Make Sure No One's Watching When You're Being Bad

        It was nearing the end of another fifth grade day, and Jacob's least favorite "special subject" was soon to begin: Art [w/ Mrs. Art Teacher]. So, in a matter of seconds, Mrs. was teaching her new art lesson. While she had us work, she talked with my teacher, Mr. Fifth Grade Teacher, about something random... I don't know, but she was flailing her arms crazily around, obviously trying to express to Mr. Fifth Grade Teacher how complicated it was to fight monkeys with harpoons on Myrtle Beach. I thought it was pretty funny so I flailed my arms too... But NO. Who just HAD to be watching me during this: no one but Ms. She quickly ran over to the teacher's desk, grabbed a pink slip (that's bad), and rapidly wrote down about me being a devil child (name that movie!). I had to bring it home and have Mom sign it and you can pretty much guess how the rest of that afternoon went...

Scene Two--Apparently Racism is Bad(?)...

        She was filling in one day for Mr. Fifth Grade Teacher. At the end of the day she told us we would have some fun and tell some jokes. I was having a great time, laughing at all the wonderful jokes; everything this was wonderful until I was chosen to tell a joke--then everything went wrong:

        "What did the Mexican fireman name his two sons?" I asked. Ms. eyes went wide.

        "Hose A and Hose B!" I said, chuckling to myself. Nobody laughed. Then all the Mexicans got up my neck--and I mean literally, UP MY NECK.

        "You wanna piece o' me?" one of them said.

        "No...." I said. I didn't understand what was going on.

        "You're (censored) racist!!!" one girl added.

        "Uhhh...." I panicked. 

        "Everybody, SIT DOWN!" Ms. yelled at us. "JACOB!!!"

        And you can guess how the rest of my day went.

        PINK SLIP.

Scene Three--Always Seek Revenge on Those Who Have Done You Wrong

        

        There were only a few days left in the school year. Ms. was leaving soon. The class decided to write a nice good-bye letter to her (cause apparently we ALL loved her... yeah, right). They each wrote a few comments--and then the card was passed to ME. 

        Dear Ms. (          ),

                 I don't really like you and you're a dirty blonde.

                                                   Anonymous

        So anyways... I kinda regret saying that... But at the moment it felt GREAT letting loose all the steam that had built up inside of me for SO LONG.

        I especially regret when she read it (not aloud) in front of the class. She was smiling and happy until she read my comment. She frowned, said thank you and then set the card aside. Luckily, she didn't seem at all too upset, but it was still pretty bad...


So as you can tell, I wasn't at all that great of a person. I mean, look at this journal entry I made at the New Year (during fifth grade):

        Mr. Fifth Grade Teacher is a great teacher... better than Ms. Ms. has eyeballs the diameter of the sun, and her face gets all weird when she gets in a strange situation with Mexican jokes about Hose A and Hose B. She also gets in the same situation when I immitate Mrs. Art Teacher in a "rude manner." She never gets this way in front of Mr. Fifth Grade Teacher or when David Bradbury chooses a word-of-the-day like "The Olive Branch Petition" or "3/5" or "Kentucky Fried Chicken's Smoked Buffalo Wings." (?) So that's why in my class thank you note to her I wrote rude comments to her... (of which you all know). When she read the card and got to my comment, she shut it and left. And here is even better news! She has not come back since then! So now I am not sweating about getting pinks slips or a detention! Just let me get one thing straight! Ms. can psych you when you first get to meet her, and you will she is great, but in the end of your relationship (with her), your motto is to always be "Live Free, or Die Hard." (?)


So now you all know I was an incredibly RUDE and TERRIBLE person when I was young, and of course nowadays, I can sometimes still be. But I can promise you I continually work to be the best person that I can be!